I don?t know about you, but I?ve nursed most of my breakups with Facebook stalking, Ben & Jerry?s, and a chaser of Tequila.
Apparently, the rich and famous have a better way of getting over an ex: hiring a heartbreak coach.
According to recent reports, singer Katy Perry has secured herself a personal heartbreak coach to get over her messy divorce with Russell Brand, and to aid her in making better relationship decisions (anyone, but John Mayer) in the future.
Oh celebrities! Sometimes they do the silliest things. But when you think about it, is hiring someone to coach you through heartache actually that crazy?
We have coaches for just about everything these days. There are life coaches and business coaches and financial coaches. And when it comes to relationships, the coach roster includes ones for dating, flirting, seduction, the list goes on. But Aurora Winter is a breed of coach I had never encountered until this week. She?s the kind of heartbreak coach that people like Katy Perry hire.
Winter wasn?t always a heartbreak coach. The death of her husband when she was just 31 inspired her to become the Eric Taylor of breakups.
?People at the top of their game want to be the very best at everything, including happiness and love. That?s why the best of the best have coaches!? Winter said.
Just a few years after her husband passed away, Winter decided she wanted to get married again. She visualized the perfect partner and made a detailed list of all his qualities. Winter told me she prayed to bring this ideal soulmate to her. Then she began to have doubts. She realized that she wasn?t exactly ready to be the perfect mate herself. Winter was her own first client. She began coaching herself back to game-shape.
?As I worked on myself, I shifted from attracting men who didn?t have their act together to men who were at the top of their game, including: Noble Peace prize winner, Oscar winner, successful businessmen worth millions, men who are making a real difference in the world,? Winter said. She wouldn?t reveal the identities of these magical men, but she assured me they were very real.
And hence, a new career began.
Granted, Winter coached herself through a death, not a breakup. She recognizes there is a difference; still, she?s insistent that a heartbreak is a death of sorts, which means her clients go through something similar to grief coaching before they get back in the game.
?Grief is the loss of hopes and dreams and the death of a relationship is a death,? Winter said. ?The longer you cherish those hopes and dreams, the longer your identity is entwined with that person and the more heartbreak there is.?
Over the past twenty years, Winter has developed what she calls ?red carpet rapid release coaching? for celebrities and the wealthy. The training consists of one day of one-on-one phone coaching with about a half dozen follow up calls afterwards.
?People at the top of their game want to be the very best at everything, including happiness and love. That?s why the best of the best have coaches!? Winter said.
Winter distinguishes her coaching from therapy by insisting that she sees her clients as whole and complete, no matter what their state of anguish may be.
?I don?t start from a place where their life is broken,? Winter said.
But her services do not come cheap.
A ?red carpet? breakthrough day with Winter is $10,000. That provides private one-on-one VIP coaching that she says is designed to take a client from heartbreak to happiness in a day.
For those on more of a budget, Winter has a team of coaches who operate on a sliding scale close to about $200 per hour.
We didn?t have $10,000, but Winter was nice enough to provide some coaching secrets on the cheap:
Aurora?s 5 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup
1. Get clear ? Get clear on your core values and goals for your new relationship. Describe your ideal partner?s top 12 characteristics and put them in order of priority. For example: a good listener, successful, values family, loyal, kind, creative, attentive, healthy, handsome, self-confident, likes to travel, owns a home.
2. No mixed signals ? Look at your list of the top 12 characteristics. The top 3 are your ?must have?s.? For example: a good listener, successful, values family.?Don?t even have a coffee date with someone who doesn?t have those top 3 traits. Use your dates to discover if they have the top 6 traits. If they do, that?s a relationship worth exploring.
3. Release the past ? Bitterness, resentment and anger are common after a divorce or breakup. People who have lost a spouse to death frequently yearn for their late husband or wife.??Nothing repels new love faster than unresolved grief over the past,? Winter said.
4. Improve yourself ? Improving yourself is a powerful way to attract your ideal mate. Do you have the top 12 traits yourself? If not, work on self-improvement.??When I described my ideal partner, I asked myself if I was a match for the amazing man I had just described,? Winter said. ?I wasn?t. So I got to work on myself. Now, years later, my life partner is everything I had on my list ? and more.?
5. Choose gratitude ? Every day, write down 5 things that you?re grateful for. Notice at least one thing you appreciate about yourself. It might be your kindness, your smile, or your parenting.?Refuse to give any energy to negative or critical thoughts. ?So often people self- sabotage because they subconsciously think they don?t deserve their ideal partner. The antidote is gratitude,? Winter said.
Jo Piazza (@jopiazza) is the author of the upcoming novel,?Love Rehab: A Novel in Twelve Steps.
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